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Friday, May 27, 2005

My Thoughts on Monsters

There is a place where the skys are blue, the water is clean, and life is good. This place can not be found where I am at. Over here almost every single morning begins with violence, explosions, and people being killed. Over here the locals can't make enough money because it is so unsafe to be out and working. Over here things are different. Down is often up and up isn't down but sideways. In Iraq there are some who want only to see their children grow up, to grow old with their loved ones.

There are also monsters here. "Monsters?" you say, "those can't be real." I tell you that they are. I have seen with my own eye that they are. The worst part is that they look just like people. They aren't though. They think that the way to do things is to violently end their lives. Most of the time they end up destroying and devastating those regular people who love their families. People who work honestly, those who have hearts. The monsters however, are hard to spot because like I said, they look like regular people.

I have spoken with these monsters, seen their eyes. I wonder how you can fit so much hate in there. Maybe that is why they blow themselves up. They just can't contain all that hate...

Want to know what it is like to be one? I have come close before. Close, because I wanted to kill so badly, to destroy those same monsters, but I realized something. You are only a monster if you let yourself become one.

So now I dream not about monsters but about that place. It is so very far away that it doesn't seem like it is real any more. That place is called home. I just hope that I make it back there.

14 comments:

Tina said...

I hope you can go home, too. When I light my novena for my Marine friend Chris, I will ask the angels to keep an eye out for you too, if that's okay w/you, Zach. Stay as safe as you can for your wife and babies, so they don't have to suffer the wrath of those monsters, too. Take care... and thank you for serving voluntarily so men like my husband can be at home to help me raise our baby girl. We do recognize your incredible sacrifice and appreciate it. Unfortunately, my dad, who served 2 tours in Vietnam, thinks that maybe it would take the draft to get America off of her complacent a** to really care about this war and demand an actual plan to end it, b/c God knows, there was no actual plan in place when the invasion took place. And the only people who suffer b/c of that complete lack of foresight are you who are serving there and the civilians caught in the middle of the chaos. The best Memorial Day gift this nation could give all of you who are serving is the news that you can come home.

Anonymous said...

Zach,
I found your blog a while back and check it nightly. Sometimes when you don't write for a couple days, I get nervous, and I don't even know you. But I feel like I do through your writing and pictures of your family and yourself. I was going to write before but just couldn't put my feelings into words. I cry when I read your posts. I guess because I am the type of person who has always been able to really empathize with others. You have a beautiful family. When I read your post tonight it made me really sad. I can't imagine what you are going through. I know you will make it back to the place you dream about. I just know it. I pray for you. I guess I have to confess to you that I am totally against this war and have been before it ever started. I wrote letters and called my congressman and senators, but it didn't do a thing. I had a feeling it would go exactly as it has. Not that I had a crystal ball or anything. My sister is married to an Iranian and my niece and nephew are both half Iranian. My sis lived over there before that Iran/Iraq war. They came back to the states 3 weeks before it started and have been here ever since. She told me this would happen. She went to every protest there was. But I want you to know that no matter how much I am against this war, I totally support you guys and gals. Totally. I know Saddam was a bad man, but people have to change their own government. There are monsters in many countries, but we aren't in all of them. I want all of you to come home. Maybe that is selfish, but I really feel we should just leave. We as a people were at the very, very least misled about this war. So many lies, so much bull. I never once believed there would be WMD's or that Saddam had any connection with 9/11. The whole thing is nuts. It is worse now in Iraq as far as terrorism goes than it was before we went. Oh well I am rambling. I just really wanted you to know that I love your blog. You sound like an awesome person with an awesome family. Sadly I am trying to discourgage my almost 16 year old son from going anywhere near the armed forces. I feel terrible saying that, but he has already been approached at school. I know if he ever chose that I would support him, but now when I still have some influence over him, I am trying my best to say no way! Keep writing Zach. Take care of yourself. Your babies are waiting for you. I hope your nightmares about that little boy get better. I wish everyone could read your posts. It might make people think a little more. Well Zach, take care. I'll keep reading and wait until I read your post saying you are on your way home.
Prayers and caring thoughts,
Margie from New York

Kate said...

I've often wondered what makes someone blow themselves up with the intent to kill others, too. I mentioned it once on my blog, saying that it was unbelievable that 200 iranians declared themselves ready for suicide/homicide, and one reader commented that it was completly believable given the political situation. That didn't sit with me. Somehow it was denying their humanity by trying to make them more simpathetic, which was really odd. You know what I mean? I don't understand how people can lose so much of themselves to hate and anger that they become a monster, a human monster. It's frightening to me.

I hope you stay safe and that you get to come home to your family soon. Please keep writing. You have a unique voice and your stories need to be out here. They're important!

Anonymous said...

Hi Son, I love you and I miss you and I cannot wait to see you during your 2 week leave. How challenging it will be to have you home then leave again for another 6 months but we won't dwell on that. It feels weird to refer to any human being as a monster but somewhere along lifes journey the soul got damaged. There must be a purpose for you to be there even if it is your ability and willingness to bring heart to all you do and then to share it on your blog. I love you son, mom xoxo

Anonymous said...

I will copy your amazing insight, that they hate so much their bodies cannot contain it so that is the impulse to blow themselves up, and hand it out tomorrow for our memorial day vigil as women in black aqgainst war. God Speed...you are an important voice in this war. Thank you

TEACHER SOL said...

I know this is difficult to do with the reality that you are in right now, but I am hoping it would provide you with some comfort: once in a while close your eyes and think of nice thoughts, like your family and friends in a picnic with you. It's summer out here and it would be fun for your kids flying kites or swimming with you. Come home safely, ZACH, that's our wish for you.

Suzanne said...

Dear Zach, I wrote the longest email ever and I am such a dinosaur ( my son's terminology) I can't understand how to send it. it dosn't seem to be the usual way. Your generation are quite quite special. I know your mum from PHS that is how I came to read your website. I do hope I can find a way to send you my thoughts. For now just know that I have got together an army of mothers ( and there is nothing stronger than an army of mothers) who are praying for you and all there. It dosn't matter if you're religious or not, it is the positive energy we are sending you. Full of love and hope and many many hugs. Suzanne Duval

Anonymous said...

Zack,
Stay strong, you will come home and then there will be no monstors. Only a sea of faces that bursting with endless happiness at the sight of you.
There will be that first strong love filled hug of your wife, the one where she never wants to let go, to help you start to piece life back together... then the demanding calls of your eager children whose sweet angelic arms to hold you there as well.
You will have long days spent enjoying the sound of your childrens laughter, watching them play games in the yard and answering their endless questions. You will lean back and smile at your beautiful wife and once again brim with happiness....
And this place that you are in now, it will seem far far away...
soon.
Stay safe, you have our prayers!

Trevor said...

So have you found any method of dealing with the monsters that works, other than eliminating them? You are helping me envision a little bit what my life might be like in a few months, when I arrive where you are.

I was always taught that monsters must be slain. Am I wrong? Monsters who look like people but aren't have to be dealt with somehow...

Anonymous said...

Zach like you said you seem so far away but when you call and i actually get to hear your voice it is just like your home i think about you every day a million times a day and i know that you will be home soon and you will never have to face those monsters again. As i go through everyday and you are in the back of my mind i come across so many people that have no idea what people like you are dealing with it enrages me i would like to scream at those people but then I realize when we are safe and out of threat (like when you are home) i live my life the same way

Anonymous said...

Hey Zacholinas
Whatever happened to Donkaroo and/or Sad Cow. I really miss those two crazy cats (or donkey/cows)?

Rufus said...

I hope you make it back too. In body and soul.

Anonymous said...

Hey Zach,
I don't know you...just read your blog today (referred circuitously from truthout.org) and wanted to let you know that there are lots of people out here that support you, but not the war. Thank you for blogging and giving us a true picture of what's going on. Just know that there is another old woman out here praying for you to come home safely. Thank you for keeping your humanity in the midst of the chaos.

Anonymous said...

If you're over there killing then you're a monster too. Whether it's hate or duty, a kill is a kill. Welcome to the banality of evil.