Tuesday, September 20, 2005

On Killing

I remember back in Baghdad in 2003 when the 1st Armored Division had just arrived. I was in line at the PX (post exchange, it is the army's version of Walmart) and I overheard two soldiers from the 1st Armored Division talking about how they couldn't wait until they had killed someone. What kind of desire is that? I felt sick.

I had already killed and I remembered a quick rapid fire succession of feelings upon learning just how many my platoon and I had killed. First I felt glory, then sickness, and now I have only empty sorrow...

That day so long ago I didn't say anything to them, those two soldiers. I did pray that they never got their wish because they did not know what it was they were asking for.

21 comments:

lenooke said...

This msg has not really anything to do with this particular post..

But i wish the whole world could read the messages between you and your wife and that everyone would stand still with what is going on in the world and why this is actually happening? I wish that everyone would be seperated from their loved ones for a month so they could realize what all you guys/girls in Iraq and your family goes trough...If my guy would be there i'd die from missing him and i'd worry myself sick...so i can only immagine how hard it must be to leave your wife and kid behind and what your wife goes trough...

I know its so cheesy but why can't we all get along? Why do we to go trough all this shit?

I hope you and your family can be reunited anytime soon.

And now i'm going to sound like a hopeless pope, but i wish that one day we could all live in peace.

Good luck for you and all your buddies over there.

Greetings

Katleen

http://lenooke.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

Hi, Sgt. Zach. Glad to hear from you (and to know that you have not come in harm's way).

I remember visiting the Peace Memorial Park in Hiroshima some years back and seeing some young Marines from the nearby MAS Iwakuni. It made me sad to see what I interpreted as a, "Yeah, we kicked Jap ass!" look on their faces as they walked around the park.

It's easy for me to sit here and say that war is not pleasant and that there must be some other way to resolve our conflicts.

I cannot begin to imagine the horrors you and your platoon have encountered.

I just hope that they day that you can go home for good to Tara and the kids comes very, very soon.

Bless you!
Rose

Anonymous said...

Zack, your blog is featured in Time magazine this week. very nice read, keep it up & stay safe!

Chris said...

wow, you're right. Here's the link
http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1106331,00.html

Audrey said...

Kristen,
Very well put!! That is exactly how I would describe my emotions when my fiance was deployed.

Zach,
Thanks for writing. Stay safe.

JaBLes D said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

I'm going on the march Sept 24th

War stinks ....

you guys and gals should be home with your families.

Zach you are a prince among men to tell us how it is !

Anonymous said...

Hurria,

I don't know how carefully you read Zach's blog, but it is obvious to me that he DOES NOT support the Bush administration's policies in Iraq. He just happened to be a soldier studying Arabic. However, as a soldier, he has no recourse but to follow the orders of his superiors, whether he personally wishes to or not. Please do not blame or attack Zach for things that are beyond his control, especially not on his blog! The men and women of the armed forces deserve our full support, even if we are upset about our government's horrible "reasons" for starting this war.

Anonymous said...

Hurria,

I want to ask you a question, and by no means I want it to be an insult.

Some of the things you say I agree with, some I dont. What I don't understand is how you continuously blame Zach for not making certain decisions, and yet somehow, you are not (as far as I can read from here, I don't know you and I don't know what you do.)doing anything to get them out of your country, while others from your side are bleeding. Shouldn't you be, since you are vocal about making active decisions even though they are tough, sometimes almost impossible, on the frontlines with your countrymen, trying to kick them out instead of posting here? Even though that could harm you, or your familly and friends? Shouldn't you be the one that is pointing the gun at them? Do you blame Zach for his stoic way of dealing with his troubles, while being stoic yourself?

Peace,

Mihael

Anonymous said...

Hurria,
Goodness me, why in the name of Everything That Is Good And Kind do you blame Zach for anything?

He's a soldier, and unless he fancies doing away with the job, he has to go where he's commanded to go.

I think there's a problem with a culture that doesn't understand the concept of responsibility.

I don't agree with or like the war in Iraq, but I do understand that some people have a job to do, and that, due to the decisions of their leaders, that job involves the war in Iraq.

So unless you have a great solution, like mass mutiny, I suggest you lay off.

By the way, an Arabic Translator is a very necessary weapon in the war on terror. The Economist was recently commenting on how, since September 11, Western security agencies had failed to accumulate solid local knowledge and language skills to enable them properly wage the War on Terror, much unlike the vast amount of knowledge and Russian-speaking operatives accumulated after Sputnik and indeed, during the course of the Cold War.

'Nuff Said

Anonymous said...

Hurria,

Have you accidentaly missed my question/observation, or you chose not to comment it on purpose?

Anonymous said...

keep on going with your blog Zach.
Soon i will mail you again.
Respect from Holland for you and your family.

Jan Holland

Anonymous said...

Hurria,

So I can safely assume that you deliberately overlooked my post.

That also says something.

Peace,

Mihael

Anonymous said...

Why is everyone being so nice to this hurria person?

Anonymous said...

Hey, I'm not going to get into the Bush Administration cluster fuck that seems to be going on in your comments. I just want to say thanks for being over there. I have two of my friends stationed in Iraq and one in Afghanistan and I'm proud to know them. Hang in there and come back safe.

Anonymous said...

hurria,

they are all addicted to aspartame and other fda approved foodstuffs. wunnerful world these yanks are supporting. ask the folk sin new orleans how happy they are.

you snag, and kristen and anon an d the rest, diss me if you feel so inclined.

f

p.s. find yourself a vegetarian meal......................

http://www.rebellenation.blogspot.com/

'You Can't Wash Your

Hands When They're

Covered in Blood'

By Hart Viges
The Independent UK
Go to Original
Saturday 24 September 2005

My name is Hart Viges. September 11 happened. Next day I was in the recruiting office. I thought that was the way I could make a difference in the world for the better.

So I went to infantry school and jump school and I arrived with my unit of the 82nd Airborne Division. I was deployed to Kuwait in February 2003. We drove into Iraq because Third Infantry Division was ahead of schedule, and so I didn't need to jump into Baghdad airport.

As we drove into Samawa to secure their supplies my mortar platoon dropped numerous rounds on this town. I watched Kiowa attack helicopters fire Hellfire missile after Hellfire missile. I saw a C130 Spectre gunship ... it will level a town. It had belt-fed artillery rounds pounding with these super-Gatling guns.

I don't know how many innocents I killed with my mortar rounds. I have my imagination to pick at for that one. But I clearly remember the call-out over the radio saying "Green light on all taxi-cabs. The enemy is using them for transportation".

One of our snipers called back on the radio saying "Excuse me but did I hear that order correctly? Green light on all taxi cabs?" "Roger that soldier. You'd better start buckling up." All of a sudden the city just blew up. Didn't matter if there was an innocent in the taxi-cab - we laid a mortar round on it, snipers opened up.

Next was Fallujah. We went in without a shot. But Charlie Company decided they were going to take over a school for the area of operations. Protesters would come saying "Please get out of our school. Our children need this school. We need education".

They turned them down. They came back, about 40 to 50 people. Some have the bright idea of shooting AK-47s up in the air. Well a couple of rounds fell into the school ... They laid waste to that group of people.

Then we went to Baghdad. And I had days that I don't want to remember. I try to forget. Days where we'd take contractors out to a water treatment plant outside of Baghdad.

We'd catched word that this is a kind of a scary place but when I arrive there's grass and palm trees, a river. It's the first beautiful place that seemed untouched by the war in Iraq. As we leave, RPGs come flying at us. Two men with RPGs ran up in front of us from across the road.

"Drop your weapons". "Irmie salahak." They're grabbing on to women and kids so [we] don't fire. I can't take any more and swing my [gun] over. My sight's on his chest, my finger's on the trigger. And I'm trained to kill but this is no bogey man, this is no enemy. This is a human being. With the same fears and doubts and worries. The same messed-up situation.

I don't pull the trigger this time ... it throws me off. It's like they didn't tell me about this emotional attachment to killing. They tried to numb me, they tried to strip my humanity. They tried to tell me that's not a human being - that's a soft target.

So now, my imagination is running ... What if he pulled his trigger? How many American soldiers or Iraqi police, how many families destroyed because I didn't pull my trigger. After we leave this little village we get attack helicopters, Apaches, two Bradley fighting vehicles, and we go back. And we start asking questions. Where are they? Eventually they lead us to this hut where this family is living, and myself and [another soldier] started searching for AK-47s, for explosives, for RPGs, you know ... evidence. And all I can find is a tiny little pistol, probably to scare off thieves

Well because of that pistol we took their two young men ... Their mother is at my feet trying to kiss my feet like I deserve my feet to be kissed. Screaming, pleading. I don't need to speak Arabic to know love and concern and fear. I had my attack helicopter behind me, my Bradley fighting vehicle, my armour, my M4 [semi-automatic] with laser sight. I'm an 82nd Airborne killer. But I was powerless ... to ease this woman's pain.

After I came home I applied for conscientious objector [status]. I'm a Christian, what was I doing holding a gun to another human being? Love thy neighbour. Pray for those who persecute you, don't shoot them.

I get my conscientious objector packet approved. I'm free. It's all gone now, right? No! I still swerve at trash bags ... fireworks ... I can't express anything. All my relationships are falling apart because they can't fucking understand me. How do they know the pain I've gone through or the sights I've seen? The innocence gone, stripped, dead? I couldn't stand the pain. People were leaving me.

I couldn't cut my wrists. So I called the police. They come stomping through my door. I have my knife in my hand. "Shoot me." All of a sudden I was the man with the RPG, with all the guns pointed at him, thinking "Yes, we can solve the world's problems by killing each other". How insane is that? Lucky I lived through that episode. See, you can't wash your hands when they're covered in blood. The wounds carry on. This is what war does to your soul, to your humanity, to your family.

posted by Christy @ 12:37 AM   1 comments  

Saturday, September 24, 2005

Anonymous said...

Sad thing is that most Rethuglicans attitude is "Oh, well, you signed up for it." Think I am overgeneralizing? My sister's bf who voted for the Moron sat there and said that to me last time I spoke with him. I told him he was wrong and that he should be drafted.

Anonymous said...

I really find it almost sad that everyone is here talking about peace, and how they wish we could all get along, and whatnot, but then arguing over someone else's comment board. This is not meant to be a conversation/ argument between two people. This is a soldier that one way or another is over seas fighting a war for our country, whether he wants to be there or not. Whether we want him to be there or not, he is. All we can do now is offer our support.
Zach, I hope that you are able to return home as soon as possible, and I hope that you remain safe for the rest of your time over seas. Thank you for keeping our country safe.

nocchipi said...

I discovered this blog VIA Time Magazine and find it to be very enlightenging. It offers a perspective of the war rarely seen in mainstream US press.
Perhaps there can be some hope found in the type of conversations that Hurria and other bloggers are engaging in. There is a massive communication gap between The United States and the Middle East that leaves a vaccuum now filled by violence and mutual mis-trust (understated).

"September 11 happened. The Next day I was in the recruiting office. I thought that was the way I could make a difference in the world for the better." - Hart Viges

We must ask ourselves how we can have volunteers on both sides of this conflict offering their lives up for something they believe is "making the world better" and then going out and blowing each other up, leaving nothing but pain and suffering for all those affected?

Anonymous said...

Rose, you are quite wrong that Zach (and others like him) can do nothing more than "to follow the orders of his superiors, whether he personally wishes to or not." As I wrote in response to a blog entry of his last June, he can "refuse to continue to abet the killing that [he] acknowledge[s] is wrong."

I agree with Hurria's response to you, Rose, and many of his points to others, though he has let these others distract him from the subject of responsibility for one's own actions. Intimately connected to that idea is a different kind of "support the troops" - an action by individuals rather than simply words and one that if taken by even a moderate number is highly likely to get all military personnel home relatively soon and stop the harm (initiating of force) being inflicted. From the beginning of my essay at http://selfsip.org/focus/preferencing.html :
"What can one lone person do?"

"This is a question raised often, especially when the frustrations are against government actions that do particularly heinous harm, such as wasting billions of stolen dollars destroying the lives and property of people who are uninvolved with anyone posing a threat. In the society that is the goal of the Self-Sovereign Individual Project, with its basis in the principles of the Theory of Social Meta-Needs, there is no government - social preferencing is the major method for influencing others. However, even currently when governments are everywhere, the tool of social preferencing can be used against those who actually do the harm in the name of governments, and if practiced by enough people would be highly effective."

To Kristen, I empathize with your distress and I have more than simply words of sympathy to give you. Kristen, I suggest that you (and others) follow my recommendation of social preferencing against the real harm-doers and direct supporters (read the essay so that you understand the terms and reasoning *and* methods), rather than only write emails to your legislators and join protest demonstrations to legislators/White House occupiers/etc. I have detailed how these politicos can be rendered impotent and have actively begun my own social preferencing. And I will very soon publish online the response I am in the process of making to my AF (support role) pilot nephew's reply to the addendum message at the end of the above essay. I don't want to see my nephew come to harm nor anyone else suffer from the initiation of force.


**Kitty Antonik Wakfer
MoreLife for the rational - http://morelife.org
Reality based tools for more life in quantity and quality
Self-Sovereign Individual Project - http://selfsip.org
Rational freedom by self-sovereignty & social contracting

Anonymous said...

i as well have a good friend from the 82nd airborne division who got back from iraq a while ago, he as well thinks the same way as you....and im sure in time those BOYS will become men as they find out what life is like over there. . . good luck with every thing