Sunday, October 12, 2008

A Fork in the Road

Choices are made every day, but have you ever reached a cusp where you felt the power of your decision at hand? A place where you are about to choose something that will affect the rest of your life? I am at that cross road, with a journey at hand and no idea if the bag I have packed is even adequate.

Decisions will be made that can not be unmade, life changing decisions but those same decisions can possibly bring me happiness. Happiness, what does that even mean? It has been so long for me since I have felt felt it that I had forgotten what it meant. Forgot what happiness was.

So, do you take the hard choice of the unknown in hopes that it brings you to a new and exciting place? A place where you can feel again? Or do you remain on the path you are on, the path which you have been riding around for years, where you are comfortable with all the same turns, nothing is new and you already know that you will not find happiness if you remain on this path.

Yeah, in retrospect the choice is not as difficult as I make it out to be. As each foot hits the ground the steps get easier and the unknown grows less frightening.

God, help me to feel again.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hey Zach,

It's been awhile since I checked your blog. I've been very busy and crazy as usual. It's nice to see you post. I think you answered your own question. As I was reading I thought he's already answering his own question and then you sort of realized it also. I'm not sure any of us know what true happiness is if we think about it deeply enough. I guess it's family, friends and the love we feel for them. We wrap our lives in our children and as my mom always tells me "Someday they will be gone. You need to make sure you and your husband are always connected because someday it will be just the two of you again". Wow, my first born went to college this year and the depression is still there!! I'm not sure Zach, but I guess you ahve to take that step if you are even questioning it!! Good luck Buddy.

Margie from New York

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Grandpa-Old Soldier said...

This is my first visit to your blog, and I like what I see and will return. You pose an interisting idea, what is happiness. I don't really think about it much. If I get up in the morining then I am happy. I have made some life changing choices in my 61 years, and don't regret any of them. I left a great high paying job In Australia to return to Texas to see my Dad before he passed. The choice then was do I return to Australia, where my youngest daughter was born and I had a really good job or did I stay and start all over again. Well I chose to stay, and now after 10 years back in Texas, I have an even better job. Choices, are what you make them.

Anonymous said...

SORRY!!!!!!!!!!!
(JUGA)

The Write Dreamer said...

I've followed your blog for years but never commented before. I am also at a crossroads and am about to take a leap of faith that could either create the life I want or leave me shattered on the rocks below. It's scary, but that slow, soul-sucking death is much worse. If it gives you any comfort, and I doubt it will, I've found that it's the little decisions I barely think about that have created my biggest life-changing moments. The stuff I agonize over usually ends up being inconsequential.

I read your next post as well so will comment on that here too. We all have a secret swirl of thoughts where we judge ourselves far more harshly than those around us would. We all keep secrets, but I can't even begin to imagine what you've seen and done. If it helps any, I am aware that what haunts you is on my head as well. You may have carried out the orders, but it was my tax dollars, and my inability to change the course of decisions made, and what was done in the name of my freedom that leave me haunted. Freedom at the cost of someone else's life and trauma doesn't really feel like freedom. It's a debt I can't repay to you or anyone else.

I don't know if you're a nice guy or not. I imagine just like me or anyone else, you're a complex person with good days and bad. I do know your words. I see a fellow traveler in life who is on a different path and has different struggles... but we're all just trying to figure it out. Keep letting your feelings out and don't be afraid to ask for help if you need it. This world needs you, your point of view and the words you use to express it all.

boca de ataque said...

"Life must be understood backwards; but... it must be lived forward."

fjb said...

The road less traveled was the hardest for me to choose and it hasn't been an easy journey. After many years I'm beginning to feel, and when I look in the mirror I'm happy with what I'm becoming.

Beautiful writing, btw, in this post and the next. You've expressed feelings that some of us are familiar with I'm sure, but are unable to put into words as you've done. Thank-you for sharing.

Anonymous said...

the unknown is always frightening, step into it with confidence and don't forget where you've been my brother. I always love and support you and I know you offer me the same.

Ingrid