Cry for me, for my eyes have gone dry.
My tears tread no path through the dust on my cheeks
Life means so little to many back home
But let your son go, just let your son go
Tell him you promise to come back with Godspeed
Kiss your daughter in the dead of the night
Tell them goodbye with no tears in your eye
You must be a better man than me
Pick up your bag and walk out that door
It's the hardest walk you will ever make
To leave all you love for your honor and pride
Praying that you won't be lied to this time
Get on that plane and try not to look back
Now try to do it all over again
This time knowing what you have seen
With blood on your hands that will never come clean.
A poem I wrote about my thoughts on going to war, my family, and the back door draft...
19 comments:
Painful, beautiful.
Take care --
Zach, some of the most sad and eloquent words I have ever read. Godspeed to you and your safe return to your family and loved ones.
Zach, keep your head down, your wits about you and do what is absolutely necessary to come back alive. Hang in there and soon you will be back stateside.
One thing I would add in addition to what I said above...
Hey, Zach's mom :) You have a wonderful son, someone to be very, very proud of.
-roamer in mich
Just happened onto your blogspot through an excerpt published in Common Dreams. Thank you for sharing your pain, your nightmares, your sense of horror and betrayal, and, yes, your love. I plan to visit again. Blessings and Peace.
Hey Zach,
It's Margie from New York again. I love your poem. I love poetry. Keep writing. It will help. Very beautiful with deep meaning. Take care of yourself.
Peace, Margie
Hi sweet son, Hey who else signed their comment Mom as that was not me this time! I love you. Nothing hurts more than dry tears. You have people to cry with and for and we love you dearly. Love you, Mom
ciao zack, just to let you know you are in my thoughts,sending you strength, and a blessing for safety and strength and a prayer that you find a place to understand and live with all you experience. thank you for sharing your thoughts. ....namaste.
Jawa rocks
Dear Zach,
Did you actually write that? Poetry, my friend, used to be a dead art. If you wrote this, you have certainly revived it.
Cathie
Zach, you could rightly feel more pride in yourself if you refused to continue to abet the killing that you acknowledge is wrong. If you and the many other soldiers in Iraq, Afghanistan, and other places the US government has sent them, who think as you do, said "No" and refused to take part in violent actions (or refused to board the planes that transported you there or refused to enlist/re-enlist in the first place), then a "war to liberate/democratize/pacify" could not continue (let alone begin). It is a far different thing to volunteer to protect the shores of one's own country from invading forces; and the greater the threat of loss to one's values (life, loved ones, liberties, possessions), the more reasonable it is to risk one's own life to protect them. But to follow orders to go outside the country (a great distance in this case), in order to follow more orders to harm people there, supposedly in order to eliminate (unproven) weapons of mass destruction or eliminate a tyrannical ruler or convince the country's residents to adopt a democratic government (take your pick or add another), is not bravery, reason for pride or honorable. I would contend it can be many other things (such as fear, desire to impress/be accepted, desire for money), none of which would give the long-range widest viewing individual reason to be proud or happy.
I would encourage you and your like-thinking fellows in the US military (and other government's forces also) to stop - stop the actions that lead to the harm to those (including the deaths that bother you) who have not physically attacked you, your home, your loved ones, your possessions. Without the individual soldier (marine, sailor, airman) to follow out the orders of the commanders, these latter would have to do the physical harm (including killing) themselves - or leave and return home. You are troubled by the many harmful actions you have taken towards those who have done you no harm; the proper course to take is to stop doing the harm (and restitute the harmed). The nightmares and daytime regrets will likely diminish once the possibility of continuing to do such harm has ceased; but that they will be more likely to disappear entirely if you make the cessation of harm possibility a conscious act of your own, not simply the following of another order.
Hi Zack,
Reading your blogs, there is a disconnect. You seem to me to be certifiably insane.
Having seen Iraq up close, you return. If that is not insanity, what is?
Do you perceive your life as a chained slave, with no options other than being led to your demise?
For me, the choice would have been so achingly obvious; pack my sleeping children and wife into the minivan and head north. When i got to the Canadian border i would declare myself a free man, no longer bound to do the bidding of the merchants of death.
What possible reason could you have to meekly submit yourself to another round in this insanity?
So, you’re stop lossed, stuck in the cycle. Gonna survive this time? Perhaps…if you’re lucky. Gonna go for a third or fourth round?...At some point you either have to decide you don’t want to participate any longer, or get killed.
I hope you come to your senses and decide to stop participating …like right this very second.
Just say you aren’t doing it any more….and submit to the court martial routine. If you’re lucky, you may only get a few years at hard labor…but isn’t that better than being a part of a killing machine?
Best of luck,
Kirk
"Then why do you come to post on this man's blog? Is it to fire your own emotional/mental bullets at him and those that are concerned for him? Do you need to express your hurt and anger (it's understandable)? Do you feel that you need to do it by hurting others (we all suffer from this in one way or another)? Right now, can you only be sorry for some and not others?"
Snag,
Desmond Tutu says this is the only way we can reconcile-by allowing ourselves to see and feel each other's pain. There is nothing wrong with expressing anger and pain, it's when that anger and pain turns into blame and hate that we come to see fellow human beings as the "other." Put in a big dose of FEAR and misunderstanding and you have the recipe for violence.
Zach, by sharing with others what you are experiencing, I believe you are attempting to do just that, to reconcile.
We are a long way from the wisdom of Mandela and Tutu, but maybe the world still can learn alot from how the South Africans were able to start to heal from within. Unfortunately, we are in short supply of wisdom in the White House. The American press cowards/cronies have failed miserably by not exposing this war for what it really was even before it started. So did our elected representatives. So did the American people. We failed you by not preventing you from being there. So there you are...only by speaking up and speaking out will you truly be free of the pain you say you feel. But while you are easing/soothing your conscience with your words, people are dying...
I recommend Tutu's book, "No Future Without Forgiveness" for anyone who is TRULY interested in where we go from here.
I hope this nightmare is over soon but as long as we elect leaders who are nationalists and not true patriots, we will continue to face the consequences, endless war is one of them...
"Be not afraid" - Jesus
Tell no one.
Tell no one.
Tell no one.
Trust No One!
Don't touch me there!
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