Everyone has choices. I have made mine and must live with them. My choices have me thousands of miles from home for the second time, with weapon in hand. I find myself surprised at times, wondering how it came to be that I am where I am, but then I look behind me and I can see every turn that brought me here.
Responsibility? I take it, all of it. I have to live with my choices and they have not all been simple ones. Bad choices have been made as well as good. I am not some fly caught in the web of fate.
Hindsight is 20/20 right? What should I have done differently? Doesn't matter because I can not go back. It was my hand that signed the contract that enlisted me as a soldier. What I thought would happen doesn't matter, what matters is what did happen.
So here in Iraq I sit for the second time. What matters now is to get back home. To return to my wife and kids.
28 comments:
I wish i could say something worthwhile here, but I have no idea what to.
I wish you all the good fortune, and hope the days till you return home pass quickly.
I picked up your blog from Time magazine, and i've been reading it since. It has moved me, and changed my outlook on the situation in Iraq. Thank you for sharing.
Zach,
my prayers with you.
good luck and hopefully you make it home to your wife and kids soon.
From one who survived the madness of the Viet Nam era, I, who am viscerally anti-religious, pray that you survive the madness of Iraq and the nascent Fascism that has infected our mutually beloved country.
If I were a soldier in a dangerous situation in Iraq,I would not want you by my side. You and our country would be better served if you were immediately releasaed from military service.You would be happier and our country would be better served, a win-win situation.
Of course, the key part of that last comment is, If I were a soldier in a dangerous situation. Obviously, he or she isn't. I was in the Guard for ten years and just happened to get out in June of 2001. There are times when I feel a little guilty that I am no longer in uniform. But I see just how incompetently things are being run and what a piss poor job this administration of chicken-hawks is doing and I get over it. Stay safe, Zach. Stay safe for the sake of your family, but also so that you can come back and help to get the truth out regarding this war.
I linked to your blog from DKos. I'll be coming back often. Let everyone there know that the disgust many of us feel for the administration does not, in any way, reflect how we feel about the men and women doing their jobs and their duty in Iraq.
If civilians admitted it, they, too, have taken employment and then been surprised by their responsibilities. It has happened to me and to many I know.
Please know many of us are doing what little we can to help get you home.
You and your family are in my prayers.
you're a fool if you think a soldier can't be against the war and still serve honorably, just like you're a fool if you think a civilian can't be against the war and still support the troops. the simplistic world view expressed in the 3:33 PM post above is of course ironically, exactly what led the USA into this horrible situation. Stay safe and keep blogging.
Zach, thank you for your service and for letting us see inside your heart and mind. Your blog is important to me, as I prepare to watch my son go back over there for a second time. We hope the deployment won't be until after christmas. But I fear it every day. I pray for you and all living through the hell in Iraq. I wish I could do more.........
Good luck, stay safe, and please keep posting. You are a great example to all, in that you are thinking and reflecting on what you are doing, and its meaning. It is American to question, or wonder at motivations, and yet still do your duty...I truly admire you.
Take care Zack
Respect for you from holland
Jan
Chris, Chris, Chris....
"If it gets scary and the bullets fly", you'd be nowhere to be found.Show me the love brother, particularly on 9-11-01. "If you try to love everyone shouldn't that be enough?" Chris, tell that to the victims and family members murdered on 9-11 and especially tell that to the NYPD, NYFD, and Port Authority survivors. I am glad there is no draft because my son might have to serve with you...but then again you would probably take the "Run to Canada Option". I can only hope that later you wouldn't run back home to the USA and some weak a$$ President would grant you amnesty at a later date.
And Zach..Dear Zach,
Get outta this funk now! American and Iraqi lives depend on it, yours as well. If ya got a problem you'd better air it out now. If you know of wrong doing then report it to the I.G. or another trusted source. Something is eating at you, I don't know what. Life here (on Earth) is decision making. Our decisions follow us the rest of our days. You write of responsibility and that's refreshing to hear in our world of politicians (Republican & Democrat). Seek someone you respect, who has wisdom, and be trusting enough to dump this burden you seem to be carrying.
God bless you...GiHadGene
I could have written the exact same words some 40 years ago. I understand.
Those of us who were in the military, not simply spending time bitching like the anti-religous vietnam psuedo vet, know a couple of things. We know that you commit to the whole thing even if you didn't know the full extent of the 'whole thing'. Being true to your word, your commitment makes you a dependable honest man. That counts for more than you'll realize.
A piece of advise: pay attention! You can't do anything about the one with your name on it. The real problem is those thousands of others that simply say "fool".
USMC Corporal
"Let us not forget who created that hell on earth that is now Iraq, and let us not forget whose actions have made it steadily worse every day they have been there."
Yes, Hurria, let us NOT forget who made Iraq the hell it is. To blame the U.S. for all the problems in Iraq is moronic. Step back and take a good look at the history of your country and the events that led to the current situation there. To continue blaming the U.S. soldiers, Marines, etc., for the "hell" that is Iraq is ridiculous.
Hi everyone. Zach, Still reading you all the time and always liking what you share. Sorry about what u are going through and wanting you to come home with all our troops. We have created a mess and a hell on Earth. Tomorrow I plan on driving a bit and attending the traveling exhibit called Eyes Wide Open. You know the one with all the soldiers boots. There are also exhibits about Iraq and the thousands of Iraqis killed. I have been waiting for the exhibit to come near me for months. It is likely to be very sad and I'll probably have to end up going alone. I'll let you know how it was. Peace and keep safe.
Margie from New York
Thinking of you, your families and all the other military men and women currently in the Middle East. God Bless you.
Stay safe and; hopefully, your lingusitic skills will not only continue to add to the safety of your fellow soldiers, but also to the understanding between two great people. That is the most important aspect of your work. It sounds like you've made a lot of good decsiions in life and may they lead you back to your family safe and soon.
HURRIA,
Now I know who you are! In WWII it was "Tokyo Rose"...today it's "Burka Betty"!
Allah Akbar!
GihadGene
i don't agree. it's not your fault, it's all these jerkoffs that have turned the united states from the great country it once was to the boil on the butt of momma earth.
by voting for jerks like Bush and buy driving gas guzzling SUVs....stupid drones.
there used to be a time when some parts of american military did good things in the world, yes some bad too, but some good.
i can understand why you did what you did, but you didn't do it because you wanted to fight in iraq.
who would have thought this would happen?
who would have though that judicial acitivst Rehnquist would hand the white house to chimp-boy bush on a silver platter?
who would have though that brother jeb bush would abuse democracy by screwing crap up in florida in november 2000?
oh, and where's osama? he's waiting in the wings for his next pre-election stage call to do a public advertisement for the right wing candidates.
he'll never get caught. the two terrorist factions need each other...fuel to each other's fire.
My dad has a quote hanging on the wall by his computer with which I have been able to identify on more than a few occasions: "It is pointless and an utter waste of time to ask me what I would do if things were different. They are not different."
Hi Zach! I hope you are doing well and staying safe. Your website was mentioned in an article I was reading and I've been hooked ever since. You have such a way with words. It's very touching. I've placed a link to your site on mine so that my visitors can come and check yours out. You've done an amazing job. I pray that you are home with your family soon. Take care...
"If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music he hears, however measured or far away." ~ Henry David Thoreau
Zach makes choices every day, including the one to continue his enlistment contract that has resulted in him performing acts of harm (initiating force) directly and in active supportive roles. He is quite correct that "[he] can not go back. It was [his] hand that signed the contract that enlisted [him] as a soldier. What [he] thought would happen doesn't matter, what matters is what did happen." What he fails to write (and maybe even to face the fact of) is that every day is the first day of the rest of his life - in fact every moment begins the rest of one's life, and every such moment brings the possibility of changing one's previous choices of what actions are best to take.
As I noted my intentions in my comments on October 8 to the October 4 2005 entry, "Ghost of a Father", I did create a dialogue page using an exchange with Kristen ( http://selfsip.org/dialogues/misc/preferencing_support.html ) and in it made a strong summary, part of which I copy here:
The individual enforcers are responsible for their actions - they each have the ability to not take a particular action and/or to remove themselves from a position in which they initiate force. None are in circumstances where they would be killed by superiors if they did not initiate force on the designated enemy. (This is not a situation of a "declared war" - and rapid easy worldwide communication places a revealing spotlight on activities.) The enforcers and active support forces cannot claim that their families are being held physical hostages (as has been a valid claim by some soldiers in dictatorship/totalitarian armies.) Breaking a contract of enlistment is always possible; of course there will be negative consequences of such an action, but that action is certainly among the choices for each enforcer and active supporter of those enforcers. However, it does take a certain amount of courage for an individual to be among the first willing to stand up and shout out, "the emperor has no clothes" ("the leaders have no power without me and others like me doing their bidding") and become an ex-enforcer/ex-active supporter. This is where truly supportive families and friends can assist by widely disseminating information and providing more tangible support as needed. Even an initially only modest decline in the number of enablers of military action (actual enforcers and the active support forces) would encourage others to acknowledge that their activities in Iraq and Afghanistan are not in their own widest viewed, longest range best interest. And so "an Army of us" (as Kristen described above) of non-participants can really come about - and "stand down" from its activities and "come home". By large numbers of individuals realizing that fulfilling their life's purpose of maximizing their own lifetime happiness must include accepting responsibility for their own actions and the consequences of those actions, this "war of terrorism", supposedly against terrorism, can be ended.
So to all the Zachs, I remind you that the responsibility for all your actions are yours; "the buck stops" at each individual! Each of you will carry with you the images of the harm you continue to perform and/or abet while knowing that the decision to do so or stop is yours. Those hauntings are likely to fade much sooner if you actively decide to bring your actions to a stop, rather that passively wait for the orders to return home.
**Kitty Antonik Wakfer
MoreLife for the rational - http://morelife.org
Reality based tools for more life in quantity and quality
Self-Sovereign Individual Project - http://selfsip.org
Rational freedom by self-sovereignty & social contracting
Safe homecoming. I just found your blog today and appreciate the reflective thoughts you post. I'd like to continue to follow along reading your blog, and hope you will continue to post your thoughts. There is an authentic quality to what you post that belies rhetoric.
Almost forty years ago, in a far away war, when I was in temporary command of my unit, I did not stop a fellow officer from conducting an interrogatory of a prisoner, using torture. Hardly ever a day passes without my regretting my inaction. If you want to have some peace of mind for the rest of your life, leave now and put up with the consequences.
My friend,
With every breath, we have a new life, a new opportunity. Loving compassion, kindness to the self is where to start. Forgiveness is a powerful tool as well. I am a veteran, but I am also against this war... It is an illegal and immoral war, where our military personnel are being killed and abused, by lying polititions who have never served their country. I wish you God Spead, and that you return safely. You have the rest of your life to serve and be a beacon of kindness and compastion. Randy Clere
In case anybody wants to read some more about how bad things are in Iraq and how they got that way (Zach and Hurria probably know this already), here's an excellent article by Patrick Cockburn who reports from Iraq for the UK "Independent" newspaper: http://news.independent.co.uk/world/middle_east/article319606.ece
Peace and safe home-coming to all in Iraq.
Taff
Hey Zach,
I guess I missed blogging, so I've started up again if you ever want to read it. I'm thinking of you and miss you lots!
ps. Lola (my puppy) says HELLO!
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